Storming through Gosford

Today the Central Coast was hit by the biggest storm in its history (alright, there’s probably been a bigger one, but not in the 30 years I’ve lived here, so let’s go with it). There were winds of nearly 100km/h, heaps of rain and plenty of lightning. Trees were knocked over and boats were smashed to pieces… and, being an idiot, I decided to go for a walk through it all.

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Should’ve bought a car, dude

Wearing shorts, thongs and a snazzy blue raincoat I last put on before the turn of the century, I headed out in the insanity. The road outside my place was flooded, and half the trees out the back of my house had been torn from the ground and flung around like a hyperactive child’s toys. Despite the horrible conditions, which nearly killed me (alright, that’s being a bit dramatic), I enjoyed exploring this nightmarish version of a place I know so well.

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Anyone for beach volleyball?

Gosford’s waterfront was a mess, covered in junk washed in from the ocean, flooded and badly beaten up. Despite this, there were plenty of people wandering around and taking photos – although they were smart enough to jump straight back into their warm, dry cars. Although with the amount of water out there, perhaps they should’ve jumped into submarines instead.

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Should’ve bought a boat, dude

I know there are places in America and Asia where people’s houses get knocked down one week, rebuilt the next, and then knocked down a few days later, but this sort of weather is almost unheard of around here. We get rain and we get wind and we get storms, but never like this. My place was never in any real danger, so I wasn’t scared, but the last two days must’ve been terrifying for those whose houses were being destroyed by falling trees or having their roofs torn off by the wind. There were road closures, school closures and blackouts all around (but not at my place – and shit, did I play some ‘Station today!), and the train line to Sydney was down all day like a hooker when the fleet is in.

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The storm was so intense it ripped the earth up like a carpet… like a carpet!

After half an hour of walking around in the icy water, getting hit by waves from Brisbane Water and slapped with flying leaves, I was almost frozen and made my way home. I was so cold by the time I walked in the door that I was sure I had frostbite on my fingers and toes, but it turned out I was just massively overreacting and they didn’t fall off. I think I might actually have frostbite on my penis, though, so if any warm-blooded women are willing to come over and help me out with that, it would be greatly appreciated? No takers? Can’t blame a bloke for trying.

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Five seconds later, the wind blew my shorts off
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