Barrington – Tops!

With the Wu-Flu destroying economies and riots popping off around the globe, 2020 will see The Drunk and Jobless World Tour stay a little closer to home. But that’s just dandy, because Australia is the best country in the world, and I’ll take sharks and spiders over sick and deranged foreigners any day. First stop was the beautiful Barrington Tops National Park, on the NSW Mid North Coast.

My Honda CRX del Sol is awesome for picking up chicks, but also the worst possible vehicle for camping in the mountains, so I decided to stay at the easily-accessible Gloucester River Campground. It’s an oasis in the middle of the rugged wilderness, with the sounds of bellbirds, kookaburras and bubbling water filling the peaceful valley. The Sharpes Creek Walk is nearby, there are free BBQs, and it’s a really nice spot to enjoy 15 or 16 cold ones by the water. It made the perfect location to work on my latest masterpiece for Nothin’ Shakin’ (you really should check it out). There’s no strip clubs around, but you can’t have it all.

The campsite serves at the gateway to Gloucester Tops, and it’s a bumpy 18km drive to the summit. The del Sol handled it with aplomb, and I was treated to incredible views over the alpine landscape after arriving. There are a number of trails to explore, and together they offer a splendid 8km of walking. A definite highlight is the Antarctic Beech Forest Track, which sweeps through a bizarre and ancient landscape full of flame-coloured rosellas and awkward echidnas. Sadly, despite the name, there are no penguins up there.

If you love waterfalls, then you’d better take a change of underpants when you visit Gloucester Tops, because it’s home to some great ones. They’re big and wet, like Annastacia Palaszczuk outside a kebab shop, and it’s fun to wander around and find them peaking out from behind a bunch of ferns (which isn’t something you say about Annastacia). It’s a stunning, unique, strange and peaceful, and I highly recommend it.

Visiting during winter meant the temperature hovered around zero overnight, and it snowed higher up on the mountain range. Take a jumper, plenty of booze, and a good-looking spunk to snuggle up with, and you’ll be fine. I forgot to take a spunk with me (I blame the coronavirus), but after a dozen beers, some of the possums out there started looking pretty good…

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