Revenge of the Ladyboys

Last time I was in Bali I was overwhelmed by the number of ladyboys – seriously, there were wangs busting out of bikini bottoms all over the place. I matched with a whole bunch of them on Tinder while I was looking for proper women to disappoint, and readers of Drunk and Jobless were left gobsmacked by my encounters.

Despite not having ovaries or wombs they can still compete in the Olympics as women seem to have bred, because there are even more shemales here this year! And while I haven’t had the pleasure of making six with any f these fine gentlemen, my good friend Igor the Russian Sex Tourist has been with them all, and was more than happy to share his experiences. Righto, let’s check out the finest chicks-with-dicks the Island of the Gods has to offer!

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Tragically, Nicky suffers from shemale-pattern baldness

IGOR SAYS: First we share haircut, then we share gonorrhea. Call me, baby!

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Mela is the most popular player on his soccer team, because any hole is a goal. He was even named MVP – Most Valuable Penis

IGOR SAYS: Mela’s wear spiky soccer boot to bed, and hotel charge me for damage, so I slash man at front desk with bottle. Maybe he live, maybe he die, I no care.

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Despite being the Hottest ever” LADYBOY”, Siti only had enough money for one breast implant. He’s waiting patiently for the right German pervert to pay for the other one

IGOR SAYS: When Siti ask for money for breast enlargement, I put my penis close to breast and say, “See! Breast already look larger!” I could be comedian like American faggot Mr Jerry Seinfeld.

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“Oh, bloody hell, my sheets are stuck to my face with my own jizz again!”

IGOR SAYS: Joke is on Cleopatra, that is my jizz!

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You could just about convince yourself you were porking a real woman if you were with Sasha. And it was dark. And you were drunk. And she didn’t spoof on you

IGOR SAYS: Woman from back, man from front. Sasha’s penis is like the evil snake from the popular Hollywood movie Anaconda. I hate that film, it is for fags.

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The best thing about Marysa is not her massive, fake titties, it’s the fact that after rooting him you can both sit down to watch the footy and talk about cars

IGOR SAYS: When I take off Marsya’s top, I disappoint that she not have love hearts for nipples. I still fuck him, but when he ask for money I call my friend Viktor and put a hit out on Marsya. He is dead now

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“Hello, Mum? I got the role as Garth in the Wayne’s World remake. Schwiiiiiing!”

IGOR SAYS: I get bad beard rash from kissing Jezica in movie theatre. Rash is on my mouth, penis and anus. I make Jezica pay for popcorn as I hate him

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The bloke on the left is in for huge surprise when he gets home. The bloke on the right knows exactly what he’s in for

IGOR SAYS: Who are these gaybos with my woman? I hope Geby give they AIDS, like he give me

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Putting a wig on Mike and calling him a woman is like putting a hat on a duck and calling it a rollercoaster

IGOR SAYS: Michel fucking trick me, I think is girl! Of course, I also once think tractor is girl and marry it, so my judgement is not so good

 

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Rara is back, and it’s STILL not gay if you root him/her
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