Show us ya map of Tassie!

After a restless night’s sleep due to the nocturnal actions of a hairy stranger (a possum that wouldn’t stop messing around outside my tent, that is – get your mind out of the gutter, you bloody sicko!) I woke up to the morning I wanted yesterday. The sun was out, birds were singing, potoroos were dancing, echidnas were wearing tophats and twirling canes around. It was my last day in Mount Field National Park (and my last in Tassie), so I had to get out into nature again.

It’s the possum version of a blow-up girlfriend

The Lady Barron Falls are about half an hour’s walk from the main campsite, and the walk is really cool. Dense rainforest, sparkling creeks, massive trees, it had it all. There was no-one out there, but I managed to keep my shorts on the whole time (sorry ladies).

I wish I was a platypus

This is just such a bloody good park, with something for everyone. If you just want to have a leisurely stroll around, see some animals and heaps of trees, you can do that. If you’re an idiot like me, and enjoy going on monstrous hikes, you can do that. There are even ski runs at the top, so if you’re the sort of dude who likes strapping bits of wood to your food and sliding down a hill like dome sort of demented octopus, that’s also on offer. My advice is to bring a tent, though. There’s no point coming to a place like Mount Field, which is so full of nature, and sleeping in a camper van. It would be like having sex with a hot woman while wearing a hand puppet on your cock.Yeah, that makes no sense, but I’m drunk.

See, if I was a platypus, I could live here. I wouldn’t be able to afford a PS4, or have any hands to play it with, and no women would wanna root me on account of being a platypus, but it would be a good life. Unless I got eaten by a dog. Speaking of being eaten by a dog, I should tell you about this chick who sucked me off in Prague sometime. Head like a Chinaman’s arsehole, but she could’ve sucked a golf ball through a drinking straw. But I digress…

The falls themselves are definitely worth checking out. With the water running down and the sun painting the world gold, I just sat there, taking it in and feeling grateful that I’m allowed to experience places like this. Just don’t tell anyone I told you that, I’m supposed to be cool.

This, apparently is where Lady Barren fell. On her arse, I suppose

When Mick picked me up after lunch, he was kind enough to drive me to the top of Mount Field (alright, not right to the top, but to as far as cars can go). It’s another world up there; barren and rocky, speckled with azure lakes and ringed with snow. There are still so many tracks up there, so I’ll definitely be back to explore them.

Giz me jetski, bruh!

Since getting back to Hobart, the night has gone how you’d expect – with lots of alcohol, some dancing, and the occasional funny hat. I’ve got an early flight in the morning, and a lot of cider to drink before I go to bed, so I’ll have to love you and leave you. Another quince cider? Don’t mind if I do!

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