G’day Drunkards, I haven’t posted in a while but I still love yas. There’s a reason for it, though, because I’ve been relaxing in a rehab centre for a while. Don’t worry, I’m not a quitter, and this joint isn’t going to become Sober and a Valuable Member of Society anytime soon. The authorities gently suggested I dry out after I was arrested for public nudity with a side of voimiting cheap wine into a nice lady’s handbag. Fortunately this place is full of drunks and druggos, so it’s a non-stop party.
Whilst I’m wallowing in an endless orgy of bath salts and bondage, you should check out Land of the Bigs, from my eccentric cousin Bigs Bardot. People say we look alike, but I don’t see the resemblance. He’s travelling around Australia checking out all the Big Things, like the Big Ned Kelly and the Big Banana. Be kind to the appletini-drinking bastard, he doesn’t mean any harm. Apparently you can click on these photos to find out more, but I don’t really know or care.
Anyway, I’ll have to love you and leave you. I’m porking one of the nurses from the clinic and she’s taking me out for a romantic evening of drinking goon under a bridge. Or maybe my psychologist is taking me out for a night of heroin and Latin dancing. As always stay away from sobriety.