Row Row at Go Goa

From Hell to Heaven in nine hours. Not since God found out Mother Theresa appeared in Anal Gangbang Sluts 7 to pay her way through uni has a journey between the two been made so quickly.

I left the shit stain that is Jaipur and flew south to the tiny beach state of Goa. I’d heard mixed stories about this joint; some people reckon it’s lovely, others say it’s overdeveloped, ugly and crawling with drug-fucked idiots. All I can say is that, from where I’m sitting, it’s really quite lovely.

See, India's not all shit

I’m staying at Patnam Beach, in the far south of Goa. It’s away from the main tourist spots and is nice and quiet, but has enough restaurants on the sand, and beach shacks to sleep in. It feels a lot like the less developed beaches of Thailand, with palms lining the sand. I haven’t seen any ladyboys, though.

All the ladies lining up to sex me are just out of shot

There are also heaps of hot chicks here. Most of them seem to be filthy Poms, but at this point I’m just happy if the people around me aren’t eating fucking pigeons and trying to stab me.

The nightlife was a little on the quiet side (even my elephant impression didn’t spark it up), but I’m only five minutes walk from Palolem Beach, where I’ll hopefully be able to get my groove on and pass out in a palm tree.

Kingfisher - the king of beers

Goa is goa-ing (haha, how funny am I!) to be the final stop on this leg of the Bauer Media World Tour, and I’ll be heading back to Australia next week for some much-needed rest in a bed that doesn’t smell like piss.

I also want to go paragliding and take a trip up the coast exploring some out-of-the-way camping spots (well, out-of-the-way camping spots that can be reached by my two-door sports car). Unemployed dudes need to have fun sometimes, y’know.

But don’t worry, there’s still five days of action before I head back. The beer is cheap and the women don’t appreciate my sense of humour at all, so shit is guaranteed to go wrong in the drunkest and best way possible.

I'm more beer than man at this point

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