Getting a Lapad Dance


I’ve been a busy boy over the last few weeks, exploring every nook and granny (hi, Beulah!) of a dozen European countries. So today I thought I’d have any easy one (thanks again, Beulah!) and spend the day lying around on a beautiful beach. Seeing as this is Europe and they wouldn’t know a proper beach if it smacked them in the face, I settled for Dubrovnik’s Lapad Beach, which can only really be called a beach by virtue of being near the water.


Where I’m from, beaches have sand and waves. Lapad has stones, concrete, and poles sticking out of the ground. Apart from that, it’s quite picturesque, with a view out over some small islands. Things got a lot better looking when I de-pantsed and started splashing about in my undies, which stayed on this time, much to the dismay of the fat Pommy women sitting near me.


The area around Lapad is home to some of the most exclusive resorts in Croatia, and so is no place for a scallywag like me. It’s a nice place to go for a walk, though, with a trail that chases the headland, showing off the natural beauty of this place. There are all sorts of restaurants with expensive meals, and bars with expensive drinks, and women with expensive tastes, and I didn’t get to sample any of them because I’m just a poor Australian.


I did see someone having a wee, though. Don’t know who the fuck it was. Seemed like a good bloke, though, and I can recommend that women have sex with him if given the opportunity.


And that was pretty much the day, with the afternoon and evening spent getting drunk. Probably even head out later, see what sorta nightlife Dubrovnik boasts. Just don’t tell Beulah – she might have a walking frame, a wooden hip, and go to bed at 7pm, but she’s very bloody possessive and has a strong slap on her for someone with osteoporosis.


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