A sucker for a vodka

While in Goa I’ve been doing two-fifths of three-eighths of fuck all, and I like it that way. Wake up, go for a swim, have a big breakfast, hang out on the beach and perve on chicks, have a nap, hit the cans. Patnem Beach is a great place to bludge it up.


Last night i rolled over to Palolem Beach to see what was cracking. The trip there was easy enough – a couple of clicks along decent roadd – but I wasn’t too impressed by the beach itself. It would’ve been beautiful once, with golden sand and heaps of palm trees, but there’s too much development there now. As well as the waterfront being overrun by endless restaurants, pubs and motels, most of which don’t have the rustic charm of the ones at Patnem, there are hundreds of souvenir shops. It’s not a relaxing place, and I wasn’t even able to find anywhere decent to drink because the visitors were so spread out amongst the many venues.


I guess Patnem will be like that in a few years. A short time ago there was nothing here, now it’s pretty built up. All the nice places will go away eventually,  especially in Asian countries where they don’t give two shits about conservation, so we just have to enjoy them while we can.

I did have an interesting encounter, though. A rather sturdy Pommy sheila (less pleasant people might describe her as ‘fat as fuck’ plonked herself next to me and offered me a ‘sucker’ if I bought her a vodka. Now, I’m not completely up to date with English slang, but I’m pretty sure she was offering to put my pee-pee in her mouth. I’ll leave it up to you to determine whether I bought her the drink or not.

Alright, I did.


The place I’m staying at, the Palm Trees Lodge, is pleasant but the owners constantly play some knob song that keeps saying , “Dont believe me? Just watch!” (Don’t believe I’ll kick your teeth down your throat? Just watch!), which shits me to tears. So I’ve been spending a lot of my time down at the Om Shanti bar, where I can get cold beer and fucking awesome food. It’s worth checking out… provided it hasn’t been turned into a McDonald’s by the time you get here.

Actually, looking at some of the people around me, I don’t think they’d be too upset about that.

He ate all the vindaloo

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