It's not often I'm the most sober and well-dressed bloke in town, but that was the case when I swaggered into Bundaberg, a remote Queensland outpost built on alcoholism and liver failure. The locals love getting hammered so much they named the joint after their favourite booze, Bundy Rum, a throat-burning syrup which doubles as … Continue reading The City Built on Alcoholism: Bundaberg, Queensland
G'day Drunkards, I haven't posted in a while but I still love yas. There's a reason for it, though, because I've been relaxing in a rehab centre for a while. Don't worry, I'm not a quitter, and this joint isn't going to become Sober and a Valuable Member of Society anytime soon. The authorities gently … Continue reading Land of the Bigs
Parting is such sweet sorrow, as John Lennon once said, and so it was with a heavy heart that I bid farewell to the del Sol after our tow truck ride from Dirranbandi to St George. The local mechanic was kind enough to lend me a grubby Toyota Avalon for a few days - which … Continue reading St George 🐉🐉🐉
It's almost impossible to top a visit to Lithgow, but as I continued my journey to rekindle an old flame in Orange, I was determined to make the most of it. My next stop was Bathurst, which is Australia's oldest inland city and was founded on gold. Who cares about any of that, though - … Continue reading The King of Bathurst
Back when I was a young tacker, I was a bloody good sportsman. Rugby league, touch footy, even basketball and ping pong - I had a crack at everything and usually blew the competition away. I didn't bother with soccer or AFL, though, for the same reason I don't kiss men. Anyway, as a student … Continue reading The O(ra)n(g)e that got away
After a few days spent in the wilds of Barrington Tops, I needed to get back to civilisation (and find a bottle shop). I packed my tent, said goodbye to the possums and wombats I'd befriended, and headed off to the gorgeous town of Gloucester, New South Wales. With a population of around 2400, it's … Continue reading Gloucester, Taree and Me
Round-Eye Scotty, Asian Scotty, and Your Drunken Hero were zooming down the Hume Highway in an overloaded VW Beetle, gazing in awe at the passing scenery and stopping at every scone and crumpet shop we passed. Our destination was Melbourne's glorious Mornington Peninsula, but we couldn't imagine what this paradisical scrap of coastline had in … Continue reading Mornington Glory
You know you've had a good time when you wake up in a shopping trolley with an empty VB carton on your head and dried vomit on your shirt. It was Boxing Day, I was in the main street of Gosford with no idea how I got there, and from the looks on the faces … Continue reading Yackandandah Smackdown
Those half-Asian-half-European women are the hottest in the world, so when a bloke I met in a pub told me about a city that's half in Asia, half in Europe, I knew I had to go there. Next thing I know, I'm in Istanbul, Turkey, marvelling at what is a bloody great city. The sprawling … Continue reading A Goose in Turkey
For years I've dreamt of becoming a pro wrestling superstar, smashing chumps over the head with chairs and flexing my glistening muscles for my adoring fans. But I'm lazy and usually hungover, so I've never bothered to make my dream a reality. Fate, however, decided that hammering big, sweaty blokes in the ring pummeling idiots … Continue reading Portuguese Heavyweight Wrestling Champion of Portugal
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 