Santorini of the East

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I had a wonderful time in Santorini earlier this year. I got heaps drunk, smashed some awesome food, bludged around in the sun and got some totty. So when I found out that Busan has a suburb known as Santorini of the East, I knew I had to visit it. I didn’t even have breakfast beforehand, knowing that I’d be able to stuff my face with gyros and salads that are as delicious as they are life-shortening.

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Who’s the prick with the brown brick house?

Gamcheon is basically a slum area in the hills of Busan, but this is South Korea so even the slums are nice. The thousands of multi-coloured houses do resemble Santorini to some extent, but the area has a charm that is distinctly its own. The laid-back atmosphere of Greece has been replaced by the frantic pace of Asia, with cars whizzing past and little blokes in smart outfits blowing the peas out of their whistles. It’s hectic and fun, like afternoon tea with Bobcat Goldthwaite.

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Alright, where’s Santorini Sal?

The streets around Gamcheon provide plenty of top spots to look out over the city, and the brightly-coloured houses are the perfect frame for the stunning view. It’s a tough walk up into the hills (especially with a hangover) but it is really cool and a fun, different experience. Gamcheon gets a massive thumbs-up from me.

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Ayyyyy!

I was absolutely starving and keen to try some authentic Santorini cuisine, so I trotted up to a food stall with a fistful of Wons and said, “One gyros, please! Don’t hold back on the chips!” The elderly woman gave me a funny look and handed over a sausage on a stick, which wasn’t what I wanted but was delicious all the same. That’s the great thing about South Korea – the streets are packed with stalls overflowing with sausages, Dagwood Dogs, fish, squid, crabs, waffles, donuts, kebabs, and anything else you could possibly ask for.

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Get that meat in your mouth, bitch!

Needing to wank off the sausage walk off the sausage, I headed for the hills to get some fresh air. It was good to get away from the traffic and people, which can become overwhelming. I got a great look out over the city, and even in poor weather it really is a beautiful place. The massive harbour and shining skyscrapers are dwarfed by the emerald mountains that surround the place. Busan really is a fantastic place to experience.

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This would make a perfect paragliding launch

During my stroll I came across a park full of bizarre sculptures. There was a gigantic fork with a cat sitting on it, a horse with a box for a body, and a naked dude standing around with a bird on his shoulder. If you’ve read any of my other blogs, you’ll know how badly I wanted to perform a sex act on that statue. Unfortunately, the park is a favourite haunt of young families, and throngs of kiddies were dancing around the metallic hunk, preventing me from taking my photo. I sat there for an hour, biding my time, until all the children were facing the other way. I raced over, simulated sex on the bronze adonis, and heard yelling. An angry father was running my way, so I hot-footed it out of there, leaving the studly statue with blue balls.

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I, uh, dropped my contact

After I made it back down the hill, I blended into the crowds walking through the Jagalchi district. Music blared from shops and people were dancing in the streets. Market stalls were piled up everywhere, serving all of that delicious Korean food. I stuffed my face as I got lost in the labyrinth, eventually cutting through a gigantic fish market and coming out at a mammoth open-air disco. A DJ blasted techno from the stage while thousands of geriatrics wiggled around in the street. I joined them, and was welcomed with open arms.

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You put your right chopstick in, you put your right chopstick out…

I didn’t know the songs or the people, but I let the music take over my body as I lost myself in the night. I shook my hips and waved my arms, and soon the people of Korea were going bananas for me. A grandfather bumped his bottom into mine, and his wife threw down her walking stick and shook her boobies at me. A group of codgers started thrusting back and forth while chanting, “Handsome boy! Handsome boy!” I picked up the pace, throwing in a bit of crab dancing and a few moves I saw on a Michael Flatley DVD I once found in the bush.The DJ shouted something and everyone formed a circle around me, dancing as they watched on expectantly.

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Lord of the fuckin’ dance, babay!

This was my chance to give something back to the Korean people, who have been kind to me over the past fortnight. I started out with some orangutan-inspired moves, which sent the horde into raptures. Next came what I refer to as the ‘Magic Minute’, which is basically 60 seconds of me waving my hands around like a magician. After that I did a cartwheel, causing my change to fall out of my pocket, which I scrambled to collect. The group loved every second of it, pouring back onto the dancefloor and lifting me into the night sky like an offering to the gods. It was a very pleasant way to end my adventures through Korea.

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Another Asian couple in matching outfits. To be fair, it’s probably cheaper to buy clothes in bulk
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