From Sarajevo to Dubrovnik – don’t walk, take a bus! It’s 258km, you dickhead!


Whilst one could spend years trying to drink every beer in Sarajevo and not come close before dying of liver failure, I don’t have that much time to spend. So, instead, I toodled along to the bus stop and told any motherfucker who would listen that I wanted to go to Dubrovnik, and I wanted to go now, and soon I was on my way back to Croatia.

I was as tired as a virgin who’s just discovered porn (remember when you had to wander through the bush in the hopes of finding some pervert’s stash of spoofed-on pornos? What’s happened to bush porn, it was fucking magical!) and just wanted to sleep, but the journey wouldn’t let me. It was just too bloody bewdiful, so I just stared out the window in open-mouthed wonder, rubbing my eyes comically like some sort of cartoon character.

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Despite taking five-and-a-half hours, the trip is awesome, starting with a cruise between the stern mountains outside Sarajevo, before following the brilliantly blue Neretva river for an hour or so, as it winds through emerald hills. This part of the journey reminded me a lot of the area around Guilin, China – not just the geography, but the bleak, concrete cities sitting amongst such natural beauty was very similar. I didn’t see a bloke porking a dog, but you can’t have it all.

After crossing through the city of Mostar – a tourist attraction in its own right – the scenery changes rapidly, with a strong Mediterranean influence taking over. Scrubby hills and deep farming basins rand alongside the bus for a while, before I hit the brilliant blue of the Mediterranean sea, with delightful terracotta houses standing in the sun. We flipped in between Bosnia and Croatia a few times as we drove in and out of borders, before finally hitting the Big D. Ah, Dubrovnik, that is.

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And now here I am, writing on the roof of the strange place I’m staying at (I’m living in the spare room of some old couple’s apartment) and looking out over one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I’ll go exploring tomorrow – right now, there are too many beers to drink!

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