HOLIDAY HELL Bro, what's cracking? I'm going well, thanks for asking. You write about all these cool places you're always visiting, and most of them sound fucking fantastic. I'm unemployed and have a severe drug addiction, so I won't be travelling anywhere for a while (I'm also out on parole, so the cunts at the … Continue reading More of the world’s worst advice
Exactly one year and one week ago, I received the greatest gift a man could ever hope for. No, not a blowjob off all four remaining members of One Direction some hot chick with big tits, I'm talking about my redundancy from the evil empire of Bauer Media. It was a pay-off that not only … Continue reading My one year and one week anniversary of being drunk and jobless
Back when I was in India, I wrote a blog entry on my birthday that never quite made it onto the interwebs, due to a power surge killing my computer quicker than a fat girl kills her boyfriend while trying the cowboy position. Anyway, I found it on my computer amongst the porn and the … Continue reading Happy birthday from Air India. Here, have a three hour delay (the lost blog entry)
I'm sitting here on the sand, watching the waves roll in under the moonlight, sipping on my last beer before heading back to Australia tomorrow morning. I've spent six weeks in Indonesia, Myanmar and India, six weeks that have felt like a lifetime and as if they would never end, but which are now just … Continue reading Going, Goa, Gone
And my life of bludging on the beaches of Goa goes on. And on. And on, like a train that's really long. And sandy. Fucking hell, I've had too much sun. Or maybe it's the five Kingies I've downed this arvo. Hanging out on Patnem can mess with a bloke's brain. Today I went along … Continue reading His hand was bitten off by a pig!
While in Goa I've been doing two-fifths of three-eighths of fuck all, and I like it that way. Wake up, go for a swim, have a big breakfast, hang out on the beach and perve on chicks, have a nap, hit the cans. Patnem Beach is a great place to bludge it up. Last night … Continue reading A sucker for a vodka
From Hell to Heaven in nine hours. Not since God found out Mother Theresa appeared in Anal Gangbang Sluts 7 to pay her way through uni has a journey between the two been made so quickly. I left the shit stain that is Jaipur and flew south to the tiny beach state of Goa. I'd … Continue reading Row Row at Go Goa
A while ago I watched a film called The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, about a bunch of coffin dodgers who travelled from England to Jaipur, only to discover that the delightful hotel they thought they had booked was horribly run down and everything was crap. Some of the fogies fucked each other and one of … Continue reading The Worst Exotic Marigold Hotel
When in Delhi, do as the Daleks do. And the blokes around here like cricket more than Indians likes curry (wait...), so I thought the day would be best spent watching Australia play in the final of the Cricket World Cup. I had thought of taking a day trip over to Agra to see the … Continue reading Fuck the Taj Mahal, I’m gunna sit in my undies and watch cricket
A holiday in Delhi is about as relaxing as a picnic with Ivan Milat - with only slightly less chance of ending up dead. This place truly is a roundhouse kick to the senses; it’s frighteningly loud, blindingly bright, and somewhere that should be experienced for the shock factor alone. When I stepped out of … Continue reading Into the mouth of madness
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 