In my endless quest to find remote, barely-heard-of paradisical wonderlands (that may be populated by decorative backpackers), I pointed to a random point on the map and ended up in the isolate lakeside village of Cape Maclear, Malawi. As well as being a day's travel from the nearest place that could be called civilisation, it's … Continue reading Cape Maclear and the Curse of the Killer Snails
Zimbabwe is falling apart and there are beggars and troublemakers everywhere, so I decided to cross the birder to the relatively stable Zambia. Livingstone is the most prosperous city in this dusty, landlocked country, and I had a top time exploring it while waiting to jet off to Malawi tomorrow... right up until the zombie … Continue reading Night of the Livingstone Dead
Zimbabwe isn't only famous for the legendary Victoria Falls, it's also well know for the widespread slaughter of innocent white people a couple of other things, one big and one small. With today being my final full day in this unusual country, I decided to have a good crack at both. The South Africans are … Continue reading Yep, that’s a big tree alright
Zimbabweans hate Zambians, and Zambians hate Zimbabweans, and it's all because both countries claim to provide the best view of Victoria Falls. Having explored the Zam side yesterday, and visited the Zim side today, I can say that the best plan of attack is to see both sides in order to get the whole picture and … Continue reading The Great Victoria Falls (mas)Debate: Zim or Zam, yo?
Over the years I've been fortunate enough to see some of the world's most beautiful natural sites. Mount Fuji, the Great Barrier Reef, that Dutch chick I banged in Santorini last year. Nothing has come close the awe-inspiring power and majesty of Victoria Falls, a 108m-high, 1708m-wide wonder that straddles the Zimbabwean/Zambian border. This epic … Continue reading The Smoke That Thunders
Since the dawn of time, it has been written in the stars that I will achieve something great, and that is seeing all of the Big Five game animals. I crossed three of them - the African lion, African elephant, and Cape buffalo - off my list in Addo, and sighted a black rhino during … Continue reading Spotting a leopard
Horror movies are massively popular in South Africa (what better way to get your mind off the everyday atrocities of murder and rape than by watching a film filled with murder and rape?), so it's not surprising they named their biggest and best national park after world famous scary movie icon Freddy Krueger. Nah, just … Continue reading On the trail of the Big Five
Every day in Swaziland is a cracker, and you just need to look at the locals to see that. They dance and sing from sunrise to sunset, and have smiles the size of split watermelons. I had a beaut time today, too, with another exhilarating hike through the wilds of Mlilwane. I was wokwn up … Continue reading Monkeys? Check. Crocodiles? Check. Hot foreign backpackers who laugh at my jokes and not at my penis? Erm…
I've been an admirer of Hollywood heartthrob Patrick Swayze for decades, and was crushed when he was tragically killed during a breakdancing competition several years ago. So when I discovered that there's an entire country where Swayze fans congregate, I hopped in my 1965 Buick Rivier, blasted the Dirty Dancing soundtrack, and headed over to … Continue reading Patrick Swaziland
I've stayed in some fucking great backpacker hostels over the years. A good hostel is the perfect place to get pissed, meet some cool people, and maybe cop a handy off a Dutch chick when everyone else in the dorm has gone to sleep (or is listening intently and masturbating silently). The hostel I stayed … Continue reading The One Man Backpackers Hostel
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 