After making the most of a case of mistaken identity, I was looking forward to a night of rampaging rumpy-pumpy that would put Soviet war crimes to shame, but it wasn't to be. It turns out Pierre has an 11-inch donger, so the lass I was with realised I'd pulled the old switch-a-roo as soon as … Continue reading Le Pouce… It’s French for ‘Le Pouce’
I have a history of hooking up with attractive European sheilas whilst travelling and then disrupting my plans in order to look at their pretty hair and kiss their pretty faces, so it should come as no surprise that it's happened again. I had the option to spend a few more days by the water, … Continue reading Zomba!
With the stunning-to-look-at-yet-infested-with-parasites Lake Malawi threatening to kill me, today I decide to head for higher ground where I might be a bit safer. There are some awesome mountains around Cape Maclear, so I put on my walkin' boots and went for a strut. Little did I know that I would've had less trouble drinking … Continue reading The Marvelous Mountain Man of Malawi
Zimbabwe isn't only famous for the legendary Victoria Falls, it's also well know for the widespread slaughter of innocent white people a couple of other things, one big and one small. With today being my final full day in this unusual country, I decided to have a good crack at both. The South Africans are … Continue reading Yep, that’s a big tree alright
Zimbabweans hate Zambians, and Zambians hate Zimbabweans, and it's all because both countries claim to provide the best view of Victoria Falls. Having explored the Zam side yesterday, and visited the Zim side today, I can say that the best plan of attack is to see both sides in order to get the whole picture and … Continue reading The Great Victoria Falls (mas)Debate: Zim or Zam, yo?
Every day in Swaziland is a cracker, and you just need to look at the locals to see that. They dance and sing from sunrise to sunset, and have smiles the size of split watermelons. I had a beaut time today, too, with another exhilarating hike through the wilds of Mlilwane. I was wokwn up … Continue reading Monkeys? Check. Crocodiles? Check. Hot foreign backpackers who laugh at my jokes and not at my penis? Erm…
The day starts early in Semonkong, with doneys and goats and sheep and people bubbling out into what passes for streets as soon as the sun peeks over the mountains. I was up at sparrow's to catch the sunrise, then made the most of my early start by heading out into the wilderness to explore … Continue reading The Kingdom in the Sky
I've been told that Hogsback draws people to it, that the mountain has a soul and personality of its own, and that certainly seems to be the case. A South African girl I met told me to come to this tiny village in the Eastern Cape hills, and I'm so glad I followed her advice. … Continue reading Hog Wild! Hogsback is the best place you’ve never heard of!
After yesterday's epic journey into the African savanna, complete with a near-death experience with a rampaging elephant, I woke up this morning with a hunger for more animals. So I headed to the shop to get a meat pie. But after that, I headed to one of Addo, South Africa's, most popular hiking tracks - … Continue reading Doring: not boring!
Of all the monkeys in the world, the baboon is definitely the sexiest. Sure, some people prefer orangutans, and gibbons certainly have their charms, but baboons really know how to turn on the charm and flaunt their simian sexiness. I've seen plenty of beautiful 'boons loitering by the side of the ride as I've ruised … Continue reading A baboon with a view
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 