A while ago I watched a film called The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, about a bunch of coffin dodgers who travelled from England to Jaipur, only to discover that the delightful hotel they thought they had booked was horribly run down and everything was crap. Some of the fogies fucked each other and one of … Continue reading The Worst Exotic Marigold Hotel
I’ve managed to do what those gronks Andrew Chan and Myuran ‘Suck a man off’ Sukumaran thankfully never will - make it out of Indonesia alive. I’m telling you, those three days I spent in Jakarta seemed more like a month, and if my flight out had been delayed I reckon I would’ve started throwing … Continue reading Ladyboys, hookers and muggings; going back in time in Thailand
This morning I met an American dude named Dick and a German chick named Cindy at breakfast and we decided to brave the streets of Jakarta together. It was a good thing, too, because before the day was through we would be running from a knife-wielding cab driver while being pelted with rocks by angry … Continue reading Jak(arta)ing off
I could sense that Lombok is a dangerous place as soon as I arrived. The inhabitants of Bali’s dirtier cousin stare at you with angry eyes, yell and swear. And this morning all my suspicions were proven to be true, as I found out just how bad this shining emerald island can be. No, I … Continue reading Machetes of Lombok
Last night, I was kept up by an epic combination of explosive diarrhea and brutal group sex - and, for a change, I wasn’t directly involved in either. No, I was just a tired, teary-eyed observer to the whole sorry mess. Alright, so some background on this one: the place I’m staying at here in … Continue reading Male-male-female threesomes are a pain in the arse
Yesterday, my journey moved on to Kuta. No, I didn’t go back to that rubbish shithole with all the roid midgets and fat fucks on scooters, I came to Kuta Lombok, a similarly-named but completely different place that is actually quite stunning. But it was a memorable trip here… My driver was Ekka, a lovely … Continue reading Eating, fucking and sleeping: Ekka’s guide to the galaxy
I woke up under a tree in the dirt, surrounded by Germans eating their breakfast. I had one thong on, my phone was thrown carelessly in the grass a few metres away, and my hair was full of sand. I had no idea how I got there, or why I’d decided to sleep on the … Continue reading It’s pants-on-head time again!
I put a lot of effort into finding the only bar on this island that shows live sport. And when they got there, instead of the Dogs versus Water Snakes game, they played the Storm versus Drag Queens game from last week. So, of course, I had to console myself with some nachos. They looked … Continue reading Over here, nachos are made of coleslaw
I must be the first person to ever get kicked out of a hippie hostel. After drinking five longnecks I rolled along to the cheapest warung on the island, where I stuffed myself with fish curry, guzzled more beer and enjoyed the good music the locals were playing. And then I met some hippies. They’d … Continue reading Hippies don’t like it when you piss in their shower
Apart from swimming with a three-metre-long python, not a lot happened today (afterwards, I joked to a French girl that it wasn't the biggest python on the island, and she told me to leave here alone. The French, hey? Can't live with 'em, can't go back in time and let the Germans take their country). … Continue reading Why I travel alone (or, how I unwittingly became involved in sex tourism)
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 