It was supposed to be a quiet cruise between tropical islands. Instead it became a terrifying game of life and death that almost led to dozens of deaths. Alright, so I’m exaggerating a bit (and not for the first time. Ask any of my ex-girlfriends). But my trip between Lembongan and the tiny isle of … Continue reading Sailing the seas in a fucking bathtub
I must’ve been a good boy, because the big fella upstairs decided to present me with bright sunshine when I woke up. After 10 days of rain and shittiness, I didn’t quite understand what I was seeing, but made the most of it by getting out there and exploring Nusa Lembongan. I wanted to go … Continue reading A woman laughed at my penis (so what’s new?)
Padang Bai is every bit as shithouse as Amed is beautiful. I truly believe that this little blight on humanity crawled out of the anus of some sort of giant insect creature, and has been fucking shit up around here ever since. It makes fucking Melbourne look good. I should've stayed in Amed. Ah, Amed, … Continue reading Toilet paper costs extra
I spent most of today holding hands with a Japanese man. No, I haven’t suddenly become one of the gays, and even if I had I’d be more likely to go for someone like Stone Cold Steve Austin or a Charles Bronson impersonator. I spent the day scuba diving around a World War II wreck … Continue reading A Fishy Situation
To spend time in Amed is to become part of the village. No, not to be shown around or pandered to like a tourist, but to be taken in by the villagers as one of their own. The village I’m staying at, Aas (and yes, it sounds exactly the way you think it does) has … Continue reading I was humiliated in a soccer game by a bunch of eight-year-olds from a third world country
If going from Legian to Ubud was like travelling to a different world, going from Ubud to Amed was like going back in time. This place is right over the other side of Bali and is as quiet as a pervert in a toilet block. There’s no nightclubs or shops full of Bintang singlets, and … Continue reading I am in Amed (the place, not the bloke)
That's five locks on a toilet door. Five locks designed to keep some sort of rapist from entering said toilet. I am in this toilet. If I'm not careful, my arsehole will be as wide as an eagle's wing by the end of the night.
I like girls. I even went close to marrying one, back before I realised that the only good thing about marriage is watching gay people sook about not being able to waste their time with it. Being that I like girls and don’t have a girlfriend, I’ve often indulged in the cyber freakshow that is … Continue reading Dude looks like a lady
I don’t know what happened last night, but I didn’t wake up until 4 o’clock this arvo, so it must’ve been good. I managed to leave my hotel around 11, after the storm passed, and soon found myself in a bar chatting to a retired hitman from South Australia. If there’s one thing I’m good … Continue reading Bintang blues
It’s really weird to be travelling and not be counting down the days until I have to go home with dread. I can be away as long as I want to. I don’t have to go back. I always said that when I started to worry about going back to the real world, it was … Continue reading The woman next to me is watching Indonesia’s Got Talent
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 