Mornington Glory

Round-Eye Scotty, Asian Scotty, and Your Drunken Hero were zooming down the Hume Highway in an overloaded VW Beetle, gazing in awe at the passing scenery and stopping at every scone and crumpet shop we passed. Our destination was Melbourne's glorious Mornington Peninsula, but we couldn't imagine what this paradisical scrap of coastline had in … Continue reading Mornington Glory

Yackandandah Smackdown

You know you've had a good time when you wake up in a shopping trolley with an empty VB carton on your head and dried vomit on your shirt. It was Boxing Day, I was in the main street of Gosford with no idea how I got there, and from the looks on the faces … Continue reading Yackandandah Smackdown

A Goose in Turkey

Those half-Asian-half-European women are the hottest in the world, so when a bloke I met in a pub told me about a city that's half in Asia, half in Europe, I knew I had to go there. Next thing I know, I'm in Istanbul, Turkey, marvelling at what is a bloody great city. The sprawling … Continue reading A Goose in Turkey

Portuguese Heavyweight Wrestling Champion of Portugal

For years I've dreamt of becoming a pro wrestling superstar, smashing chumps over the head with chairs and flexing my glistening muscles for my adoring fans. But I'm lazy and usually hungover, so I've never bothered to make my dream a reality. Fate, however, decided that hammering big, sweaty blokes in the ring pummeling idiots … Continue reading Portuguese Heavyweight Wrestling Champion of Portugal

LisVegas: The Six Coolest Things About Lisbon (Part II)

ORIGINAL SINTRA The medieval town of Sintra is less than an hour from the heart of Lisbon by train, and is home to a really cool castle, so you'd have to be a complete Wally not to go out there. The town itself is situated in a lush valley, with the ancient monuments perched high … Continue reading LisVegas: The Six Coolest Things About Lisbon (Part II)

LisVegas: The Six Coolest Things About Lisbon

1. I FORTE THE LAW Lisbon doesn't have a spectacular harbour like Sydney, Hong Kong or Woy Woy, but it is on the water, and has a few things to offer those who are after a stroll along the agua. The 25 de Abril bridge looks a bit like that one in San Francisco, but … Continue reading LisVegas: The Six Coolest Things About Lisbon

Livin’ la vida, LAGOS!

Lagos is a disgraceful Nigerian city where the kids walk around with AK-47S, the prostitutes are overflowing with AIDS, and every second person is an internet scam artist (hi, Prince Bobongi). So rather than risking my life by going to that Lagos, I went to the Portuguese version, which turned out to be a particularly … Continue reading Livin’ la vida, LAGOS!

Balls-out in Setúbal

My girlfriend is Brazilian, so whenever I do something stupid and she starts yelling at me, I don't have a clue what she's saying because I don't speak Portuguese. It's always "small penis" this and "useless fucking dickhead" that, which makes no sense to me because I don't understand the language. So, in an effort … Continue reading Balls-out in Setúbal

I Love Lucerne: The 5 coolest things about Switzerland’s medieval metropolis

THE LION MONUMENT When bloodthirsty revolutionaries stormed the Tuileries Palace during the 10th of August Insurrection in 1792, more than 600 Swiss guards were slaughtered whilst bravely trying to defend the French royal family. In 1820, this truly moving statue was carved to commemorate their efforts. Whilst the throngs of Chinese tourists with selfie sticks … Continue reading I Love Lucerne: The 5 coolest things about Switzerland’s medieval metropolis

Interlaken: A paraglider’s paradise

There have been three perfect moments in my life; watching Paul Osborne's around-the-corner offload to Dave Furner during the 1994 grand final, seeing my girlfriend for the first time, and soaring above the unreal azure waters of Interlaken. But they say the darkest night is before the dawn, and that was certainly the case during … Continue reading Interlaken: A paraglider’s paradise