I spend a lot of time observing people. Or ‘leering’, as the police call it. Anyway, observing the way things work around here has allowed me to come up with a guaranteed way of getting your whale washed in Ubud. You just need to be a long-haired South American dropkick with a name like Ricardo, … Continue reading How to get laid in Ubud
Today I got a bit further out of Ubud, escaped the Japanese tourists and got caught in a monsoon that would kill a normal man. I’m not normal, though, as evidenced by the fact that I went out with my hair in pigtails like some sort of superhero. Having not learnt from previous experiences, I … Continue reading The Village People
Ubud seems a lot further than 32km from Legian. Not just because the trip took two-and-a-half hours (come on Bali, invest in some bypasses), but mainly because I haven’t seen even one heavily-tatted roid midget on a scooter since I got here. Instead, there are heaps of hipster dudes with carefully-manicure beards and approximately half … Continue reading Japandonesia
For someone who’s supposedly not retarded, I do some stupid things. Today I decided to escape the tourists and check out Denpasar City. After looking it up on the map, I started strolling towards it - even though the centre of the joint was about 13km away and the temperature was in the mid-30s. I’m … Continue reading Denpasar, so fuckin’ far
It was as wet as a fat chick in a chocolate shop when I landed, and I was very happy that the angry-looking chaps at customs didn’t suspect that I had 48 bootleg copies of Hanson’s Three Car Garage stashed up my arse. I soon got the full South-East Asian experience by getting ripped off … Continue reading There’s a fat guy on a scooter around every corner
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 