A few years back I had a neighbour called Nobby. He was an old pervert who liked to blast jungle music from his ghetto blaster while he banged prostitutes, and he gave me the shits.
He thought he was the second coming of Elton John on the piano, was always trying to bludge homebrew off me, and smelled like cheese.
He obviously liked me, though, because every year he would send me a Christmas card. What was incredible about the cards was that he’d take a generic Christmas card and replace the face of, say, Santa, with his own, all using the magic of Microsoft Paint. He would also leave a racy message inside, usually hinting that he wanted to bang my girlfriend.
Most of the cards have been lost to time, but while digging around in a big box (oi, up the back there! Stop sniggering!) I came across (I warned you!) the last card he ever sent me. That was back in 2010, and I can only assume he stopped sending them because he either died, or got his pecker stuck in a vacuum cleaner.
Enjoy it, and have a great Chrimbo!
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 
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