I must’ve been a good boy, because the big fella upstairs decided to present me with bright sunshine when I woke up. After 10 days of rain and shittiness, I didn’t quite understand what I was seeing, but made the most of it by getting out there and exploring Nusa Lembongan. I wanted to go … Continue reading A woman laughed at my penis (so what’s new?)
It was time to leave Penida, which meant a ride on the back of a motorbike with my suitcase, before spending an hour negotiating a relatively cheap price for the boat ride to the nearby Nusa Lembongen, and ended with an offer of oral sex. This place is completely different from Penida here, but equally … Continue reading Mentos as currency (and why it might be a good idea)
After spending eight hours fanging along dirt tracks on a motorbike, my back door feels like it’s been banged in by Lexington Steele. But, along the way, I was treated to an astonishing view of the incredible island that is Nusa Penida. I was meant to go scuba diving with manta rays, but the weather … Continue reading Do you like Penida coladas? And getting caught in the rain?
I can’t believe I got out of Padang Bai with both my kidneys still inside my body and without having a rat gnaw my face off as I slept. Honestly, I think the shit and vomit I left in the broken toilet probably doubled the value of the place. Good fucking riddance. After a ride … Continue reading Padang Bai? How about Padang Fuck Off?
Padang Bai is every bit as shithouse as Amed is beautiful. I truly believe that this little blight on humanity crawled out of the anus of some sort of giant insect creature, and has been fucking shit up around here ever since. It makes fucking Melbourne look good. I should've stayed in Amed. Ah, Amed, … Continue reading Toilet paper costs extra
I spent most of today holding hands with a Japanese man. No, I haven’t suddenly become one of the gays, and even if I had I’d be more likely to go for someone like Stone Cold Steve Austin or a Charles Bronson impersonator. I spent the day scuba diving around a World War II wreck … Continue reading A Fishy Situation
To spend time in Amed is to become part of the village. No, not to be shown around or pandered to like a tourist, but to be taken in by the villagers as one of their own. The village I’m staying at, Aas (and yes, it sounds exactly the way you think it does) has … Continue reading I was humiliated in a soccer game by a bunch of eight-year-olds from a third world country
If going from Legian to Ubud was like travelling to a different world, going from Ubud to Amed was like going back in time. This place is right over the other side of Bali and is as quiet as a pervert in a toilet block. There’s no nightclubs or shops full of Bintang singlets, and … Continue reading I am in Amed (the place, not the bloke)
I spend a lot of time observing people. Or ‘leering’, as the police call it. Anyway, observing the way things work around here has allowed me to come up with a guaranteed way of getting your whale washed in Ubud. You just need to be a long-haired South American dropkick with a name like Ricardo, … Continue reading How to get laid in Ubud
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 