I’m often too drunk to drive, which presents me with a real problem every time I finish another cask of wine; how do I get up to the bottle shop? Sure, I could walk, but that’s stupid, so I recently invested in a mobility scooter. Yes, a mobility scooter, like the ones old people hoon … Continue reading I bought a mobility scooter and now everyone’s really nice to me because they think I’m disabled
I love getting pissed. Give me a cask of cheap wine, a bag of chips and some good music, and I'm sorted. I could do it all the time - and I do, in fact. But sometimes I get sick of stumbling around the house by myself, crying over lost loves and passing out in … Continue reading Wasted in the Watagans
A few years ago I headed up to the Gold Coast for two weeks on the piss with a good mate of mine called Dion. Alright, that's not really his name; I've changed it for reasons that will soon become clear, and have gone with a name that suggests I have a big, black, bald-headed … Continue reading Dildo Warfare: A tale of strippers, sickos and unwanted hand shandies
For those just joining us, I haven’t always been the Row Show. I haven't always had sexy long hair and acool car, and been able to make women go week at the knees with a smoothly-delivered line. When I was a junior burger, I was pretty awkward and shy, especially around women. Hell, I remember … Continue reading A girl cheated on me with a gay midget on my 19th birthday!
I wrote the following article for the October issue of Aviator Magazine Australia. It's on the shelves right now, so go buy a copy! THERE’S nothing like the feeling of leaping off a mountain while strapped to three kilograms of fabric and a bucket seat and, as I looked down at the landing zone 550 … Continue reading Return to Para-Dise
My final morning in Tasmania started with a world of hurt and a trip to the toilet to spew up last night's menu of German beer and pizza. Alright, mainly it was German beer. And then, after a quick goodbye to Mick and Katri, I was in a taxi and on my way home. Okay, … Continue reading The knob-head at 20,000 feet
After a restless night's sleep due to the nocturnal actions of a hairy stranger (a possum that wouldn't stop messing around outside my tent, that is - get your mind out of the gutter, you bloody sicko!) I woke up to the morning I wanted yesterday. The sun was out, birds were singing, potoroos were … Continue reading Show us ya map of Tassie!
I couldn't wait to get out and explore the unspoiled wilderness of Tasmania's Mount Field National Park, so I was shocked and appalled to wake up this morning to find it was wet and miserable outside. I could've spent the day curled up in my tent, feeling sorry for myself, but that's not how I … Continue reading Stairway to Hell
I love camping more than Tom Hardy loves pretending to be an actor, so one of the reasons I came down to Tasmania was to spend time surrounded by nature. With half the state a National Park, massive mountains everywhere and enough trees to please even the fussiest greenie scumbag. After much research, I decided … Continue reading Camping capers
With Ben flying back to Gosford (and a new life of Dagwood Dog dependency), I was left to explore Tasmania by myself. Luckily, I didn't have to walk it or risk getting arse raped while hitchhiking, because my uncle Mick lent me his car for the day. And what a day it was! Blue skies, … Continue reading I went to a place called Eggs and Bacon Bay!
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 