I'm really good at sitting around and doing absolutely nothing, so when a lady friend asked me to accompany her to a meditation evening, I gave her a thumbs up and told her I'd love to. I mean, I'd just be bludging in a dark room with a bunch of very relaxed oddballs, so what … Continue reading I went to a meditation evening (and things were far from tranquil)
The adventure is finally underway and I’m happy to say that I haven’t been bashed, stabbed, shot at or blown up yet. Of course, that’s not saying much seeing as so far I’ve travelled only 50km from Gosford to Sydney Airport, but it’s a start. The trip down was very exotic - I sat between … Continue reading A journey of a thousand beers starts with a single can…
I love Australia, and I love being Australian. The refugee-cuddling diesel dykes who stalk the piss-stained alleyways of Newtown might tell you that's a bad thing, but it's not, it's something I'm proud of. So, as I prepare to spend more than two months rolling through Europe, I must admit that I'm going to miss … Continue reading See ya the fuck later, Australia!
I've had a lot of jobs over the years, and most of them I haven't been very good at. So when I decided to become a professional photographer, I didn't let the fact I barely know which direction to point a camera stand in my way. While working in the porn industry, I soon realised … Continue reading A junkie, a blood fetishist, an alcoholic nymphomaniac and the overweight wife of an islamic fundamentalist
A few weeks ago I brought you the touching story of Dean*, a charming young man desperately in love with a handsome goat named Carl. Well, it turns out he still loves Carl - with a side of mint sauce! In a disturbing twist to an astonishing tale of cross-species love, Dean has stopped fucking … Continue reading “I cooked and ate my animal lover!”
I’ve met a lot of weird and wonderful characters during my travels, but even I was shocked when I was contacted by Dean* recently. He’s 20 years old, works a respectable job, has an attractive girlfriend, and enjoys surfing and riding his motorbike. But Dean has a dark secret. He likes to have sex with … Continue reading Confessions of a goat fucker
I get thousands of fan emails every day, and a large number of them are from down-on-their-luck champions looking for advice. And why wouldn't they look to me for help? I'm living the dream. So here's my advice column. If you have any burning questions about life, love, and the art of drinking wine from … Continue reading Ask Row-Row: The world’s worst advice column
I've got this mate called Pieman, and he's a really good bloke and is always the life of the party - at least, he used to be, before a bizarre and tragic decision changed his life forever. Growing up, he didn't mind a pie, hence his nickname. But he played footy, enjoyed breakdancing (he even … Continue reading My mate Pieman and his all-pie diet
I’m often too drunk to drive, which presents me with a real problem every time I finish another cask of wine; how do I get up to the bottle shop? Sure, I could walk, but that’s stupid, so I recently invested in a mobility scooter. Yes, a mobility scooter, like the ones old people hoon … Continue reading I bought a mobility scooter and now everyone’s really nice to me because they think I’m disabled
A few years ago I headed up to the Gold Coast for two weeks on the piss with a good mate of mine called Dion. Alright, that's not really his name; I've changed it for reasons that will soon become clear, and have gone with a name that suggests I have a big, black, bald-headed … Continue reading Dildo Warfare: A tale of strippers, sickos and unwanted hand shandies
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 