I could sense that Lombok is a dangerous place as soon as I arrived. The inhabitants of Bali’s dirtier cousin stare at you with angry eyes, yell and swear. And this morning all my suspicions were proven to be true, as I found out just how bad this shining emerald island can be. No, I … Continue reading Machetes of Lombok
Last night, I was kept up by an epic combination of explosive diarrhea and brutal group sex - and, for a change, I wasn’t directly involved in either. No, I was just a tired, teary-eyed observer to the whole sorry mess. Alright, so some background on this one: the place I’m staying at here in … Continue reading Male-male-female threesomes are a pain in the arse
I woke up under a tree in the dirt, surrounded by Germans eating their breakfast. I had one thong on, my phone was thrown carelessly in the grass a few metres away, and my hair was full of sand. I had no idea how I got there, or why I’d decided to sleep on the … Continue reading It’s pants-on-head time again!
I put a lot of effort into finding the only bar on this island that shows live sport. And when they got there, instead of the Dogs versus Water Snakes game, they played the Storm versus Drag Queens game from last week. So, of course, I had to console myself with some nachos. They looked … Continue reading Over here, nachos are made of coleslaw
Apart from swimming with a three-metre-long python, not a lot happened today (afterwards, I joked to a French girl that it wasn't the biggest python on the island, and she told me to leave here alone. The French, hey? Can't live with 'em, can't go back in time and let the Germans take their country). … Continue reading Why I travel alone (or, how I unwittingly became involved in sex tourism)
It was supposed to be a quiet cruise between tropical islands. Instead it became a terrifying game of life and death that almost led to dozens of deaths. Alright, so I’m exaggerating a bit (and not for the first time. Ask any of my ex-girlfriends). But my trip between Lembongan and the tiny isle of … Continue reading Sailing the seas in a fucking bathtub
I must’ve been a good boy, because the big fella upstairs decided to present me with bright sunshine when I woke up. After 10 days of rain and shittiness, I didn’t quite understand what I was seeing, but made the most of it by getting out there and exploring Nusa Lembongan. I wanted to go … Continue reading A woman laughed at my penis (so what’s new?)
It was time to leave Penida, which meant a ride on the back of a motorbike with my suitcase, before spending an hour negotiating a relatively cheap price for the boat ride to the nearby Nusa Lembongen, and ended with an offer of oral sex. This place is completely different from Penida here, but equally … Continue reading Mentos as currency (and why it might be a good idea)
After spending eight hours fanging along dirt tracks on a motorbike, my back door feels like it’s been banged in by Lexington Steele. But, along the way, I was treated to an astonishing view of the incredible island that is Nusa Penida. I was meant to go scuba diving with manta rays, but the weather … Continue reading Do you like Penida coladas? And getting caught in the rain?
I can’t believe I got out of Padang Bai with both my kidneys still inside my body and without having a rat gnaw my face off as I slept. Honestly, I think the shit and vomit I left in the broken toilet probably doubled the value of the place. Good fucking riddance. After a ride … Continue reading Padang Bai? How about Padang Fuck Off?
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 