Big Things (and not so big things)

While in Lake Innes on my paramagliding adventure, I’m staying at a petting zoo. there are llamas and alpacas and other stupid-looking beasties wandering around, and this morning I was awoken by the insane bleating of a herd of horny billy goats. I won’t tell my mate Dean* about it, or the dirty bastard will be up here in a shot.

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Goat fuck yourself, mate!

I like big things (so do all of my ex-girlfriends, which is probably why none of them liked me too much), so I headed down to Kew, to see the Big Axe. They’re not bullshitting with the name, either, because it’s fucking huge – far too large to be put into practical usage by the timber-cutting industry, but impressive nonetheless.

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I’ve got an axe to grind with you!

From there I headed east towards one of my favourite towns in the world, Laurieton. I’ve been in love with this joint since I came here to get my paragliding license a year ago. It was, without hyperbole, the best week-and-a-half of my life, so I’ll always have a place in my heart for Laurieton.

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I wanna flyyyyyy sky hiiiiigh!

Today I decided to tackle the formidable Queenslake Track. Alright, it’s not that formidable – it’s a 3.2km amble along the lake’s edge, and it’s really quite lovely. With a smile on my face and a song in my heart, I trotted along the track, marvelling at the water views and enjoying the handsome boardwalk.

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Delicious!

It’s an easy and peaceful journey, and illustrates the beauty of this place. I’ve been thinking of moving up this way for a while, and this afternoon simply reinforced those thoughts. If you’re up this way, dont think twice about stopping in Laurieton and having a walk along this picturesque lake.

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Not a bad place to eat some meat

Unfortunately, while trotting along my shorts became quite loose and fell off. As I was attempting to pull them up, I was startled by a possum and had to seek refuge in a tree. I was terrified! To make matters worse, my phone somehow took a photo of me during my darkest moment and, in the interests of journalistic integrity, I’m putting that photo up to illustrate my pain.

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Yep… I’m still single!

As I was climbing up, a senior gentleman came ambling round the corner, and when he saw me he had a chuckle to himself. “We never used to do that in my day, but it looks like plenty of fun,” he smirked. “Of course, if I was hanging out of a tree with my daks off like that, my dick would be dragging in the dirt.” And with a spring in his step, he disappeared down the track.

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