It all started with a Dagwood Dog…

After another wild night on the booze, I woke up feeling rubbish and confused, with people rushing around me carrying boxes of cider. There was a big microbrewery festival in Hobart, my uncle and auntie were showing off their cider, and I was invited! Or, at least, they didn't tell me I couldn't come. Before … Continue reading It all started with a Dagwood Dog…

Port Arthur McArthur

Tasmania is a wild land, so today me and my brother hired a wild car to take us around the island - an automatic Nissan Micra that is as powerful as Josh Thomas with a turnip up his blurter. Ben was particularly proud of his snazzy new dream mobile. We headed out to Port Arthur, … Continue reading Port Arthur McArthur

Real (stupid) men drink till 4:30am, then wake up and climb a mountain

Last night, me and my brother and my aunty and uncle drank and danced until the sun came up. I woke up on the floor, feeling as if an Asian karate man had been kicking my head in, and then decided to do what no hungover man should - climb up a massive mountain. I'm … Continue reading Real (stupid) men drink till 4:30am, then wake up and climb a mountain

Journey to the end of the world

After a few months of sitting around and fiddling with myself, it’s time for the Bauer Media Drunk & Jobless World Tour to start up again. This time the adventure has taken me to the Apple isle of Tasmania, which is sometimes unkindly called the arsehole of the universe, but which is actually quite nice. … Continue reading Journey to the end of the world

Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I masturbated too much when I was seventeen?

I was up at 6:30 and, unlike the morning after most alcohol-fused binges, I felt great. Shit, I need to skoll kava and dance with Fijiian men every night. The weather wasn't feeling so beaut, though, and it was piddling down on the Yasawa Islands, Fij. I spent the first half of the day just … Continue reading Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I masturbated too much when I was seventeen?

Leaving Samoa

I could spend the rest of my life in Samoa, so it was with sadness that I left this pristine paradise for another jewel of the Pacific - Fiji. With a 10am ferry to catch on the other side of the island, I didn't have time to enjoy the delights of Satuituti this morning. I … Continue reading Leaving Samoa

Going down in Samoa

I wanted to do something for the first time and, since that chick from The Big Bang Theory hasn't be answering my emails, I decided on scuba diving. A happy-go-lucky Austrian named Olaf, from Dive Savai'i, picked me up at 8am, and in no time I was being strapped to a scuba tank. After a … Continue reading Going down in Samoa

I’m a Savai’i-ver!

Last night, I had the best sleep of my life. Alright, second best, after that time I tried heroin. I woke up to brilliant sunshine and swaying palm trees, then matched it with a giant breakfast of cereal, fruit, eggs and toast. I can tell you, the morning after my experience with heroin wasn't anywhere … Continue reading I’m a Savai’i-ver!