After a few months of sitting around and fiddling with myself, it’s time for the Bauer Media Drunk & Jobless World Tour to start up again. This time the adventure has taken me to the Apple isle of Tasmania, which is sometimes unkindly called the arsehole of the universe, but which is actually quite nice. … Continue reading Journey to the end of the world
Last weekend I headed to Maitland Gaol to embark on something called a team building day with a bunch of people I work with. First up was a tour of the gaol with a former inmate, and t I was also surprised (and delighted) to discover that there's a lot more bum sex in Australian … Continue reading I went to a nightclub (and didn’t get wanked off even once)
My final morning on Fiji's Yasawa Islands was as wet as a fat girl with a bag of Doritos, so I sat around like a beached jellyfish until a big yellow boat came and took me back to the mainland. While I enjoyed my time there, the escape couldn't come quick enough – the weather … Continue reading From Yasawa to Suva in about elenty billion hours
I was woken by an intense banging, but it wasn't in my brain - it mean a manta ray had been sighted off the shore and I could go swim with it! The sun was peeking through the clouds and, half drunk, I raced down to jump in a boat and see the big, dumb … Continue reading Buster gets busted!
I was up at 6:30 and, unlike the morning after most alcohol-fused binges, I felt great. Shit, I need to skoll kava and dance with Fijiian men every night. The weather wasn't feeling so beaut, though, and it was piddling down on the Yasawa Islands, Fij. I spent the first half of the day just … Continue reading Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I masturbated too much when I was seventeen?
Everyone knows that Fiji is always sunny and beautiful, so I was shocked and appalled to wake up in the middle of a cyclone, with rain and wind smashing the fuck out of everything around me. Ah well, it would have to be nice and sunny out on the islands, right? After gobbling some leftover … Continue reading Kava Chameleon
I could spend the rest of my life in Samoa, so it was with sadness that I left this pristine paradise for another jewel of the Pacific - Fiji. With a 10am ferry to catch on the other side of the island, I didn't have time to enjoy the delights of Satuituti this morning. I … Continue reading Leaving Samoa
I was worried about my portly admirer coming back for more action, so I decided to move on from Tanu Beach. After a quick snorkel and a wander through the village, I stopped off at Henry's place to say goodbye. We ended up chatting for an hour so, with the topics ranging from the women … Continue reading There’s nowhere safer than a large Samoan man’s knee
I wanted to do something for the first time and, since that chick from The Big Bang Theory hasn't be answering my emails, I decided on scuba diving. A happy-go-lucky Austrian named Olaf, from Dive Savai'i, picked me up at 8am, and in no time I was being strapped to a scuba tank. After a … Continue reading Going down in Samoa
Last night, I had the best sleep of my life. Alright, second best, after that time I tried heroin. I woke up to brilliant sunshine and swaying palm trees, then matched it with a giant breakfast of cereal, fruit, eggs and toast. I can tell you, the morning after my experience with heroin wasn't anywhere … Continue reading I’m a Savai’i-ver!
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 