Barcelona is a great little place. There's the epic Sagrada Família, the Olympic precinct where Perko won Gold in the 1500m, and the sangria flows as freely as a hippie sheilas period. It's a joy to just walk down the streets and see the colours and movements of the Catalonian capital. The most impressive aspect … Continue reading Somebody call Greenpeace, we need to roll this whale back into the sea!
Alright, that title might be a bit of an exaggeration. While on the party island of Ibiza a couple of years ago I took as many drugs as a Jehovah's Witness and I didn't go to any of those parties where they play all the bippity-boppity robot music, but I still managed to rip it … Continue reading Sex, drugs and techno music: Living large in Ibiza
After my wild night out in Manchester, I woke up to endless rain and a phone call from my brother. My grandfather had died about the time I'd flown out to England five days before. It was not unexpected, because he was 93, but that doesn't make it any easier to take. The cold and … Continue reading Huddersfield is like my ex-girlfriend – cold, hate-filled and full of ugly Polish men
The north of England is fantastic, but it often gets overlooked for the south of the country. Sure, London is worth a visit, but ignoring the top half of England to concentrate on the bottom is like ignoring a chick's boobies just because you have access to her fanny - it's a shame and a … Continue reading Macho Man-chester
Last time I was in Europe, I had sex with a lot of statues. It's not something I'm proud of, because I know they couldn't say no or try to stop me, but it happened. I was drunk, and I took advantage of them. Symbols of culture and history and national pride all succumbed to … Continue reading Statue-tory Rape
Have I ever told you about the time I slept with a Russian model while travelling by train to one of the most romantic cities in the world? I haven't? Right, well sit back, relax, and enjoy the greatest love story the world has ever known. Before Sunrise is one of my favourite movies of … Continue reading Night Train to Venice
After having an awesome time in beautiful Prague, Munich had a lot to live up to. The ancient city in the south of Germany promised history, culture, and more beer than any one liver could handle, but I instead became the victim of a crime that still affects me to this day. I was robbed … Continue reading The wurst day of my life
Paris has heaps of world famous sites to visit - the Champs of Ellis, the Jean-Claude Van Damme Cathedral, and the Bert Newton Tower, to name just a few. I visited all of those, of course, but I also decided to go to the shittest tourist attraction in the city - a tour of the … Continue reading Night at the Poo-seum
When I rocked up to Paris, France, I was intrigued by two things - the fact that croissants are the official currency, and a large, metal tower that loomed over the city. Nobody seemed to know what it was called, so I was left to assume that it was probably the Bert Newton Tower, dedicated … Continue reading Prague’s beautiful Matthew Newton Tower
In a few weeks I'll be visiting Auschwitz, the most infamous of all the Nazi concentration camps. More than one million innocent people were slaughtered in this nightmare city in the south of Poland, and I know it will be a somber and frightening experience. I know this, because it's not the first Nazi concentration … Continue reading On the trail of the Nazis
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 