I was up at 6:30 and, unlike the morning after most alcohol-fused binges, I felt great. Shit, I need to skoll kava and dance with Fijiian men every night. The weather wasn't feeling so beaut, though, and it was piddling down on the Yasawa Islands, Fij. I spent the first half of the day just … Continue reading Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I masturbated too much when I was seventeen?
Everyone knows that Fiji is always sunny and beautiful, so I was shocked and appalled to wake up in the middle of a cyclone, with rain and wind smashing the fuck out of everything around me. Ah well, it would have to be nice and sunny out on the islands, right? After gobbling some leftover … Continue reading Kava Chameleon
I could spend the rest of my life in Samoa, so it was with sadness that I left this pristine paradise for another jewel of the Pacific - Fiji. With a 10am ferry to catch on the other side of the island, I didn't have time to enjoy the delights of Satuituti this morning. I … Continue reading Leaving Samoa
I was worried about my portly admirer coming back for more action, so I decided to move on from Tanu Beach. After a quick snorkel and a wander through the village, I stopped off at Henry's place to say goodbye. We ended up chatting for an hour so, with the topics ranging from the women … Continue reading There’s nowhere safer than a large Samoan man’s knee
I wanted to do something for the first time and, since that chick from The Big Bang Theory hasn't be answering my emails, I decided on scuba diving. A happy-go-lucky Austrian named Olaf, from Dive Savai'i, picked me up at 8am, and in no time I was being strapped to a scuba tank. After a … Continue reading Going down in Samoa
Last night, I had the best sleep of my life. Alright, second best, after that time I tried heroin. I woke up to brilliant sunshine and swaying palm trees, then matched it with a giant breakfast of cereal, fruit, eggs and toast. I can tell you, the morning after my experience with heroin wasn't anywhere … Continue reading I’m a Savai’i-ver!
Despite quaffing only 12 beers the night before, I woke up with a hangover that could kill a Somali pirate. But it's hard to complain when the view from your fale looks straight onto the beach - and all for the bargain price of $20 a night! My headache was sorted out with a snorkel, … Continue reading Getting stoned in Samoa isn’t as fun as it sounds
Waking up in Samoa is like waking up in the distant past. Despite spending the night a five minute walk from the centre of the capital, I stumbled out of my fale to the sounds of insects and birds, with palm trees swaying and the pool sparkling. The air was fresh, the weather was warm, … Continue reading My pilgrimage to the beach of ghosts
Samoa, hey? Twenty-seven degrees at five in the morning, which is slightly more comfortable than the 11 degrees Sydney was enjoying when I flew out five hours earlier. I could definitely get used to this over the next three weeks, as I prance around the Pacific on a holiday that will also take in Fiji … Continue reading Rowan the Samoan
Journalism is the sort of career that takes you places. America, China, the Middle East - there are stories all over the world, and they all need someone to write about them. Of course, in the first seven or so years of my career the furthest I got was Cronulla, but I assume I'm the … Continue reading Tales From Pornland: The World Tour of Toowoomba
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 