The marvellous meat pie-zza

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I’ve been spending a lot of time with my good mate (and fellow Sri Lankan) Geoff Jansz lately, and me and ‘Colombo’s Coolest Cook’ have been pushing boundaries and changing the world together. Alright, we mainly we just chase each other around the kitchen and gossip about boys, but we’ve also been whipping up some mouth-wateringly unusual meals.

While our urine-infused ice cream and devilled penguin weren’t successful and led to an outbreak of food poisoning amongst our friends, tonight we struck gold. I want to introduce you to the new national meal of Australia – THE MEAT PIE-ZZA.

It combines the meaty deliciousness of a hearty meat pie with the cheesy-yet-healthy beautness of a pizza – and it’s absolutely delectable. Because you probably don’t have a world-class Sri Lankan chef on hand to help you experiment, here’s all the info you need to cook your own meat pie-zza!

Stuff you’ll need

1 family meat pie
Tomato paste
Some garlic
An onion
Cheese
Pepperoni
The tears of a child

How you make it

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Chuck the pie in the oven for however long it takes to get all nice and brown and crispy. Don’t just nuke it in the microwave, ‘cos that will leave it soggy, which is shithouse for a pizza base
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Mix some garlic into a tub of tomato paste (or use that fancy pizza base sauce if you’ve got money falling out of your arse) and slather it all over the pie
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Toss the onions and pepperoni all over it. It doesn’t have to be as beautiful and symmetrical as mine (but enough about my penis!)
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Dump the cheese on. Don’t go easy on it – if you wanted something good for your heart, you’d be eating a fuckin’ carrot
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Put the whole thing back in the oven, or into a pie oven if you’ve got one. Take it out before it turns black or else it’ll taste like shit
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Stand back and marvel at how awesome it looks. Don’t eat it too soon, or you’ll burn your tongue off and have to talk like a retard for the rest of your life
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Enjoy it whils looking really sexy!

 

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