Journalism is the sort of career that takes you places. America, China, the Middle East - there are stories all over the world, and they all need someone to write about them. Of course, in the first seven or so years of my career the furthest I got was Cronulla, but I assume I'm the … Continue reading Tales From Pornland: The World Tour of Toowoomba
There are many things I've done that I'm not proud of. Having sex with that chick in the wheelchair, for instance, and getting my penis stuck in a mouse trap. One thing I am proud of, however, is writing a book. It's called Red, White & Bruce and, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but there … Continue reading Red, White & Bruce
When lovely ladies find out that I worked for a gentlemen's masturbation manual for seven-and-a-half years, their first question is always, "Why?" Their second is usually, "Can you please get the fuck away from me, you chauvinistic pervert?" My answer is usually along the lines of the fact that, for the first five or so … Continue reading Tales From Pornland: Why I’ll never be Prime Minister
Hiking through Olney State Forest is a bit like getting a lap dance off your best mate's mother - pleasant and refreshing, but not overly exciting, with the whole experience leaving you feeling dirty at the end of it. I've been as busy as Rolph Harris in a kindergarten lately and haven't had a chance … Continue reading Olney the lonely
Back when I was drunk and gainfully employed as a writer for porn rag The Picture, it wasn't uncommon for me to appear in many of the magazine's photo shoots. No, I didn't get my dick out or anything (it wouldn't really make sense, unless they gave away magnifying glasses with every copy), but I … Continue reading Tales from Pornland: Barber shops and Brothels
Some people get into journalism to meet world-famous people. Politicians, war heroes, Big Brother winners, that sorta thing. The most famous people I met in my writing career at porn rag The Picture were Mr T, who is a black man, and Jesse Jane, who has had many black men inside her. Mr T was … Continue reading Tales from Pornland: When Row-Row met Jesse Jane
Drunk and Jobless is one of the most popular blogs on the planet - right up there with Dustin Diamond's personal page and the one dedicated to pictures of Magda Szubanski in a bikini - and my legions of fans have stumbled upon this den of debauchery through various means. Most from reading about it … Continue reading My readers are perverts – and I love them for it!
When I was a kid, I spent many memorable days (and a few boring ones) at Old Sydney Town. For those who aren’t familiar with it, Old Sydney Town was a theme park that accurately recreated the early settlement of Sydney, with historically-correct buildings, dudes dressed as convicts and more angry cannons than a Sasha … Continue reading I didn’t break into Old Sydney Town, but a very handsome friend of mine did
I'm 10,000 metres about the earth, with endless darkness outside my window and an overweight Malaysian dude drooling onto the lapel of his Hawaiian shirt next to me. My holiday is over, and it's time to head home and face the real world. Fortunately, my last day in Asia provided all the drama and excitement … Continue reading And thus the saga ends…
After three-and-a-half weeks of drinking, spewing, exploring, embarrassing myself, falling over, down and into things, running from perverts and chasing women, here it is – my last full day of my holiday. Another glorious Malaysian sky greeted me as I made my way out of my hut at dawn, skipped across the golden sand and … Continue reading Another day for Cled and me in paradise
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 