Island time

This is the Japanese island of Aoshima and yep, that's the sun - a first for my trip through the Nippon! Today I lay around on the sand while the locals gawped at me, pretended a large stick was my penis, and attended a shrine said to help single blokes find wives. Personally, I reckon … Continue reading Island time

To Tonga We Go!

Like a cheap prostitute, Suva didn't look any better in the morning. I wanted to check out the city before heading to Tonga, though, so I wandered out into the rain. It's a typical third-world city with beggars, thieves and rubbish everywhere. There's a decent market in the main street, so I rolled along and … Continue reading To Tonga We Go!

Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I masturbated too much when I was seventeen?

I was up at 6:30 and, unlike the morning after most alcohol-fused binges, I felt great. Shit, I need to skoll kava and dance with Fijiian men every night. The weather wasn't feeling so beaut, though, and it was piddling down on the Yasawa Islands, Fij. I spent the first half of the day just … Continue reading Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I masturbated too much when I was seventeen?

I’m a Savai’i-ver!

Last night, I had the best sleep of my life. Alright, second best, after that time I tried heroin. I woke up to brilliant sunshine and swaying palm trees, then matched it with a giant breakfast of cereal, fruit, eggs and toast. I can tell you, the morning after my experience with heroin wasn't anywhere … Continue reading I’m a Savai’i-ver!

Prancing around the Perhentian Islands

The Perhentian Islands, off the east coast of Malaysia, are glorious and unspoilt. However, it seems like I ruined the island experience for two young sausage-munching lasses. I woke up alone, the German girls never having found their bearings and decided to join me in my hut. When I climbed out of bed and staggered … Continue reading Prancing around the Perhentian Islands

Welcome to Paradise

Travelling can never be simple for me. If everything went to schedule I'd be catching a taxi to the airport, a plane back to Kuala Lumpur, another plane to Kota Bharu on Malaysia's west coast, a taxi to a tiny little town called Kuala Besut, and then a boat out to the beautiful Perhentian Islands. … Continue reading Welcome to Paradise