Exactly one year and one week ago, I received the greatest gift a man could ever hope for. No, not a blowjob off all four remaining members of One Direction some hot chick with big tits, I'm talking about my redundancy from the evil empire of Bauer Media. It was a pay-off that not only … Continue reading My one year and one week anniversary of being drunk and jobless
Drunk and Jobless is one of the five most popular sites on the internet, just behind MySpace and Kevin Rudd's personal fitness blog, and it seems like everyone who stumbles upon this filthy little corner of the internet is a sicko. Don't get me wrong, that's cool, but if you're reading this there's good chance … Continue reading My readers are still perverts
I love getting pissed. Give me a cask of cheap wine, a bag of chips and some good music, and I'm sorted. I could do it all the time - and I do, in fact. But sometimes I get sick of stumbling around the house by myself, crying over lost loves and passing out in … Continue reading Wasted in the Watagans
A few years ago I headed up to the Gold Coast for two weeks on the piss with a good mate of mine called Dion. Alright, that's not really his name; I've changed it for reasons that will soon become clear, and have gone with a name that suggests I have a big, black, bald-headed … Continue reading Dildo Warfare: A tale of strippers, sickos and unwanted hand shandies
I wrote the following article for the October issue of Aviator Magazine Australia. It's on the shelves right now, so go buy a copy! THERE’S nothing like the feeling of leaping off a mountain while strapped to three kilograms of fabric and a bucket seat and, as I looked down at the landing zone 550 … Continue reading Return to Para-Dise
All good things have to come to an end. Bros broke up, Ship 2 Shore ended, and now my travels through the Pacific Islands are done and dusted. I woke up early to watch the sun rise over the waters of Vava'u, Tonga, then packed my bags and got out of there. During the short … Continue reading Nofo a, Tonga!
After my terrifying near-death experience, I wanted to spend my last full day in Tonga in a more relaxed way. And that's exactly what I did, by heading out to the beach and doing as little as possible. Sure, by the end of the day I would have cheated death once again, but... well, it's … Continue reading One Fine Day in Vava’u (or, That’s the most dangerous box I’ve encountered since my ex-girlfriend dumped me!)
They take their religion seriously in Tonga, so Nuku'alofa on a Sunday is emptier than the Cronulla Skarks' trophy cabinet. All the shops are closed, there are barely any cars on the streets, and there's not a lot to do in town. So I decided to head out to Pangaimotu, a tiny island about half-and-hour's … Continue reading How the fuck do I get off this island?
More. Fucken. Rain. I couldn't believe that the shit weather had infested yet another country. I sat around fuming, until eventually the sun peaked out from between the clouds around midday, and I decided to head off and explore the Kingdom of Tonga. With the weather improving by the minute, I had a pleasant swagger … Continue reading I vomited in front of the Tongan national squash champion
Like a cheap prostitute, Suva didn't look any better in the morning. I wanted to check out the city before heading to Tonga, though, so I wandered out into the rain. It's a typical third-world city with beggars, thieves and rubbish everywhere. There's a decent market in the main street, so I rolled along and … Continue reading To Tonga We Go!
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 