Have I ever told you about the time I slept with a Russian model while travelling by train to one of the most romantic cities in the world? I haven't? Right, well sit back, relax, and enjoy the greatest love story the world has ever known. Before Sunrise is one of my favourite movies of … Continue reading Night Train to Venice
Go fuck yourself, Manu Feildel, and choke on a bucket of cocks, Jamie Oliver, because I'm the best chef in the world now. That's because I recently cooked the greatest meal of all time, by putting a whole bunch of bite-sized mini meat pies into a full-sized meat pie and cooking the whole thing. I … Continue reading I put a bunch of mini pies into a big pie and then ate it
After having an awesome time in beautiful Prague, Munich had a lot to live up to. The ancient city in the south of Germany promised history, culture, and more beer than any one liver could handle, but I instead became the victim of a crime that still affects me to this day. I was robbed … Continue reading The wurst day of my life
Paris has heaps of world famous sites to visit - the Champs of Ellis, the Jean-Claude Van Damme Cathedral, and the Bert Newton Tower, to name just a few. I visited all of those, of course, but I also decided to go to the shittest tourist attraction in the city - a tour of the … Continue reading Night at the Poo-seum
When I rocked up to Paris, France, I was intrigued by two things - the fact that croissants are the official currency, and a large, metal tower that loomed over the city. Nobody seemed to know what it was called, so I was left to assume that it was probably the Bert Newton Tower, dedicated … Continue reading Prague’s beautiful Matthew Newton Tower
In a few weeks I'll be visiting Auschwitz, the most infamous of all the Nazi concentration camps. More than one million innocent people were slaughtered in this nightmare city in the south of Poland, and I know it will be a somber and frightening experience. I know this, because it's not the first Nazi concentration … Continue reading On the trail of the Nazis
When I rolled into Amsterdam for the first time a few years ago, I only had three things on my mind; beer, drugs, and naked women with big titties. Who cares if it's one of the most beautiful cities in the world, that's what me - and most other people - go there for. But … Continue reading I took a lot of drugs in Amsterdam and got chased by cartoon characters
When I was a young bloke growing up on the Central Coast of New South Wales, I was spoilt for choice when it came to awesome places to explore. Me and my mates spent every weekend checking out caves and climbing trees, following creeks and scrambling up mountains. At some point women and booze got … Continue reading Dam!
I've fallen in love with a lot of places around the world, but nowhere has captured my heart quite like Carcassonne. This little village in the south-west of France has it all - centuries of history, an impressive citadel, beautiful parks and, most importantly, a proud history of rugby league. I spent a single day … Continue reading Carcassonne
I've had a lot of jobs over the years, and most of them I haven't been very good at. So when I decided to become a professional photographer, I didn't let the fact I barely know which direction to point a camera stand in my way. While working in the porn industry, I soon realised … Continue reading A junkie, a blood fetishist, an alcoholic nymphomaniac and the overweight wife of an islamic fundamentalist
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 