“I cooked and ate my animal lover!”

A few weeks ago I brought you the touching story of Dean*, a charming young man desperately in love with a handsome goat named Carl. Well, it turns out he still loves Carl - with a side of mint sauce! In a disturbing twist to an astonishing tale of cross-species love, Dean has stopped fucking … Continue reading “I cooked and ate my animal lover!”

Confessions of a goat fucker

I’ve met a lot of weird and wonderful characters during my travels, but even I was shocked when I was contacted by Dean* recently. He’s 20 years old, works a respectable job, has an attractive girlfriend, and enjoys surfing and riding his motorbike. But Dean has a dark secret. He likes to have sex with … Continue reading Confessions of a goat fucker

My one year and one week anniversary of being drunk and jobless

Exactly one year and one week ago, I received the greatest gift a man could ever hope for. No, not a blowjob off all four remaining members of One Direction some hot chick with big tits, I'm talking about my redundancy from the evil empire of Bauer Media. It was a pay-off that not only … Continue reading My one year and one week anniversary of being drunk and jobless

Lake St Clair Strikes Back

I usually go camping alone, and end up with my pants off, dancing around a fire by myself. Occasionally I decide to be a bit more social and go camping people, which is exactly what I did this weekend, with a short jaunt to beautiful Lake St Clair. You might remember it from my near-death … Continue reading Lake St Clair Strikes Back

I bought a mobility scooter and now everyone’s really nice to me because they think I’m disabled

I’m often too drunk to drive, which presents me with a real problem every time I finish another cask of wine; how do I get up to the bottle shop? Sure, I could walk, but that’s stupid, so I recently invested in a mobility scooter. Yes, a mobility scooter, like the ones old people hoon … Continue reading I bought a mobility scooter and now everyone’s really nice to me because they think I’m disabled

Wasted in the Watagans

I love getting pissed. Give me a cask of cheap wine, a bag of chips and some good music, and I'm sorted. I could do it all the time - and I do, in fact. But sometimes I get sick of stumbling around the house by myself, crying over lost loves and passing out in … Continue reading Wasted in the Watagans

A girl cheated on me with a gay midget on my 19th birthday!

For those just joining us, I haven’t always been the Row Show. I haven't always had sexy long hair and acool car, and been able to make women go week at the knees with a smoothly-delivered line. When I was a junior burger, I was pretty awkward and shy, especially around women. Hell, I remember … Continue reading A girl cheated on me with a gay midget on my 19th birthday!

Olney the lonely

Hiking through Olney State Forest is a bit like getting a lap dance off your best mate's mother - pleasant and refreshing, but not overly exciting, with the whole experience leaving you feeling dirty at the end of it. I've been as busy as Rolph Harris in a kindergarten lately and haven't had a chance … Continue reading Olney the lonely

I didn’t break into Old Sydney Town, but a very handsome friend of mine did

When I was a kid, I spent many memorable days (and a few boring ones) at Old Sydney Town. For those who aren’t familiar with it, Old Sydney Town was a theme park that accurately recreated the early settlement of Sydney, with historically-correct buildings, dudes dressed as convicts and more angry cannons than a Sasha … Continue reading I didn’t break into Old Sydney Town, but a very handsome friend of mine did

Camping with the convicts

With no job to go to, girlfriend to annoy, or pet to feed to prevent it from dying, this week I went bush for a couple of days. I packed my tent and my sleeping bag and headed up to Mangrove Mountain, west of Gosford, where I found a 24km hiking track that was beautiful, … Continue reading Camping with the convicts