A few weeks ago I brought you the touching story of Dean*, a charming young man desperately in love with a handsome goat named Carl. Well, it turns out he still loves Carl - with a side of mint sauce! In a disturbing twist to an astonishing tale of cross-species love, Dean has stopped fucking … Continue reading “I cooked and ate my animal lover!”
I come here every year and it never gets easier. I turn up in my rust-bucket of a car with my bottle of cheap bourbon, and I wander down the path that gets more overgrown every year, and I try to kid myself that it wasn’t my fault. I drink that bourbon and I lie. … Continue reading Why I Believe in Monsters
I joke around a lot here at Drunk and Jobless, but I’ve had my fair share of sad and fucked up events. One that stands out is the day I found out a pretty lady I was seeing fucked dudes for money… and was apparently very good at it. The first time we talked was … Continue reading The day I found out my girlfriend was a drug addicted prostitute
Whenever Dave Stump needed to get away from it all, he threw together a sleeping bag and some tins of food and headed into the bush for a few days. The sweet air and even sweeter calls of the birds made him forget about his failing marriage and low-paying job, and there were no mirrors … Continue reading Into the Green: a short story
A few years back I had a neighbour called Nobby. He was an old pervert who liked to blast jungle music from his ghetto blaster while he banged prostitutes, and he gave me the shits. He thought he was the second coming of Elton John on the piano, was always trying to bludge homebrew off … Continue reading Have a very “NOBBY” Christmas!
After two consecutive years of ending work Christmas parties in a pool of my own piss and puke, I’d earned a reputation for being a bit of a wildman at Bauer Media. Alright, maybe not a wildman, more like a pisshead, but it was a reputation I planned to uphold when 2012 finished and we … Continue reading Even more Christmas parties end up with me passed out in the street
In case you’ve had trouble reading the name of this blog, I like to drink. And there’s no better time to drink than Christmas, when the eggnog is flowing and free beers are being passed around, and there are happy people who need to be drowned out with an over-abundance of alcohol. Not surprisingly, I … Continue reading Every Christmas party ends with me passed out in the street
Once upon a time, fine dining restaurant McDonald’s ran a promotion where, in return for voting for some shitty YouTube videos on their website, one received a voucher for a free Big Mac. Of course, I rigged the system and ended up with an unlimited supply of the burgers, and decided I’d eat nothing but … Continue reading The Big McPie (and how it almost killed me)
I’ve met a lot of weird and wonderful characters during my travels, but even I was shocked when I was contacted by Dean* recently. He’s 20 years old, works a respectable job, has an attractive girlfriend, and enjoys surfing and riding his motorbike. But Dean has a dark secret. He likes to have sex with … Continue reading Confessions of a goat fucker
HOLIDAY HELL Bro, what's cracking? I'm going well, thanks for asking. You write about all these cool places you're always visiting, and most of them sound fucking fantastic. I'm unemployed and have a severe drug addiction, so I won't be travelling anywhere for a while (I'm also out on parole, so the cunts at the … Continue reading More of the world’s worst advice
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 