Even more Christmas parties end up with me passed out in the street

After two consecutive years of ending work Christmas parties in a pool of my own piss and puke, I’d earned a reputation for being a bit of a wildman at Bauer Media. Alright, maybe not a wildman, more like a pisshead, but it was a reputation I planned to uphold when 2012 finished and we … Continue reading Even more Christmas parties end up with me passed out in the street

Every Christmas party ends with me passed out in the street

In case you’ve had trouble reading the name of this blog, I like to drink. And there’s no better time to drink than Christmas, when the eggnog is flowing and free beers are being passed around, and there are happy people who need to be drowned out with an over-abundance of alcohol. Not surprisingly, I … Continue reading Every Christmas party ends with me passed out in the street

My mate Pieman and his all-pie diet

I've got this mate called Pieman, and he's a really good bloke and is always the life of the party - at least, he used to be, before a bizarre and tragic decision changed his life forever. Growing up, he didn't mind a pie, hence his nickname. But he played footy, enjoyed breakdancing (he even … Continue reading My mate Pieman and his all-pie diet

I bought a mobility scooter and now everyone’s really nice to me because they think I’m disabled

I’m often too drunk to drive, which presents me with a real problem every time I finish another cask of wine; how do I get up to the bottle shop? Sure, I could walk, but that’s stupid, so I recently invested in a mobility scooter. Yes, a mobility scooter, like the ones old people hoon … Continue reading I bought a mobility scooter and now everyone’s really nice to me because they think I’m disabled

Nofo a, Tonga!

All good things have to come to an end. Bros broke up, Ship 2 Shore ended, and now my travels through the Pacific Islands are done and dusted. I woke up early to watch the sun rise over the waters of Vava'u, Tonga, then packed my bags and got out of there. During the short … Continue reading Nofo a, Tonga!

How the fuck do I get off this island?

They take their religion seriously in Tonga, so Nuku'alofa on a Sunday is emptier than the Cronulla Skarks' trophy cabinet. All the shops are closed, there are barely any cars on the streets, and there's not a lot to do in town. So I decided to head out to Pangaimotu, a tiny island about half-and-hour's … Continue reading How the fuck do I get off this island?

Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I masturbated too much when I was seventeen?

I was up at 6:30 and, unlike the morning after most alcohol-fused binges, I felt great. Shit, I need to skoll kava and dance with Fijiian men every night. The weather wasn't feeling so beaut, though, and it was piddling down on the Yasawa Islands, Fij. I spent the first half of the day just … Continue reading Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I masturbated too much when I was seventeen?

My readers are perverts – and I love them for it!

Drunk and Jobless is one of the most popular blogs on the planet - right up there with Dustin Diamond's personal page and the one dedicated to pictures of Magda Szubanski in a bikini - and my legions of fans have stumbled upon this den of debauchery through various means. Most from reading about it … Continue reading My readers are perverts – and I love them for it!

A koala in Lumpur

The good people of Langkawi, Malaysia were thoroughly sick of me by the time I left. But, just as one should never count one's chickens before they hatch, one should also not breathe a sigh of relief before the drunken Aussie is safely packed away on a plane to somewhere else. I woke up early … Continue reading A koala in Lumpur

Getting drunk with K.D. Langkawi

I made it through the doors of a taxi and slammed the door just in time to stop one of the pervs grabbing me. I told the driver to get me the fuck out of there, and he burnt out of the car park and towards Penang's ferry terminal. Shit, I'd rather spend three years … Continue reading Getting drunk with K.D. Langkawi