Go fuck yourself, Manu Feildel, and choke on a bucket of cocks, Jamie Oliver, because I'm the best chef in the world now. That's because I recently cooked the greatest meal of all time, by putting a whole bunch of bite-sized mini meat pies into a full-sized meat pie and cooking the whole thing. I … Continue reading I put a bunch of mini pies into a big pie and then ate it
I've had a lot of jobs over the years, and most of them I haven't been very good at. So when I decided to become a professional photographer, I didn't let the fact I barely know which direction to point a camera stand in my way. While working in the porn industry, I soon realised … Continue reading A junkie, a blood fetishist, an alcoholic nymphomaniac and the overweight wife of an islamic fundamentalist
I'm not gay, but I will admit to being hopelessly in love with a big, burly bloke from the country. He's tall (around 476m, the last time anyone checked), dependable (he's stuck around for millions of years), and he's always willing to let my mates have fun with him, too. He is North Brother Mountain, … Continue reading Brotherly Love
As a kid, I spent a lot of happy days at Frogys, the roller-skating rink in the main street of Gosford, NSW. Every second kid had their birthday party there, and I loved rolling around to the high-octane beats of the Grease Megamix. It was closed in the late 90s to make way for a … Continue reading I explored an abandoned rollerskating rink – and you won’t believe what I found!
I grew up with a deep love of horror movies. Return of the Living Dead, Friday the 13th, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and Day of the Dead were always spinning around the family VCR, and I couldn't get enough of anything involving zombies, ghosts, or demented serial killers. But above them all, one movie … Continue reading Museum of the Macabre: My Descent into Hell
Since I first broke the story a few weeks ago, Australians have fallen in love with Dean*, the brave 20-year-old who freely admits to having sex with animals. Sadly, this inspirational tale has taken a depressing turn. Dean recently ended a long-term inter-species relationship with a spirited kid named Carl, and has since been enjoying … Continue reading Dog-dating dork declares, “I’ve got fleas!”
All good things have to come to an end (otherwise, Hey Day! would still be on TV), so with the winds misbehaving like a child on red cordial, I packed the Del Sol with my gear, said a sad goodbye to my Cloudbase homies, and headed home. On the way I stopped at the wonderfully-named … Continue reading Booti call
I haven’t had something hairy and goofy-looking wake me up since my last girlfriend left me, so it was comforting to be woken up by the goats again this morning. Once that intimate rendezvous was out of the way, it was time to get into some paragliding. Well, more like time to wait around for … Continue reading Chasing the Wind
While in Lake Innes on my paramagliding adventure, I’m staying at a petting zoo. there are llamas and alpacas and other stupid-looking beasties wandering around, and this morning I was awoken by the insane bleating of a herd of horny billy goats. I won’t tell my mate Dean* about it, or the dirty bastard will … Continue reading Big Things (and not so big things)
I’ve had a rough couple of days (don’t worry, you can read all about that in an upcoming blogsmic extravaganza - trust me, it’s a story of love and loss that's so bizarre and deranged that you won’t want to miss it), so yesterday I chucked my paraglider in the car and headed up to … Continue reading Any Port in a Storm
The Drunk and Jobless World Tour 